You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
