respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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