You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
