OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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