I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
