so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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