so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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