Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
My penis needs a shock collar
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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