Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
