So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
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maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
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Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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