you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
