You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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