remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
