Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
