I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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