Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
