If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
