so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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