not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Text me some of your sweat
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize