Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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