I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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