He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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