I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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