i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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