I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
