I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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