just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just want to make out with him forever
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
