dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
