walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
