i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
