MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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