if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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