Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
