fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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