yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
