I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
