I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
