if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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