i jhust puked up my retainher.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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