I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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