Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
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like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
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What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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