He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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