My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
