Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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