And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
We won't sleep together?
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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