Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
vagina is talking i cant
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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