I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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