it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
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we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
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I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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