He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
