Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
