I'm so fucking centered right now
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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