I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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