you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
