If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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