So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
