I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
