I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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