Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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