i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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