I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
