so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
