Dual....:-)
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
