dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Randomize
