I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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