i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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