Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
