she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
