are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
