you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
