I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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