I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
